Should a Single Pastor date someone who attends the same church?

This is a difficult question. One perspective would say, "absolutely not!" The possible damage is too risky. What happens when you break up. What about the gossip and if the relationship gets messy?! The minister's reputation would be damaged and would become a stumbling block to the congregation. The minister could be seen as desperate and preying on the singles of the church. Even if his or her heart is pure it is just too big a risk for the greater good, so "absolutely not!" "Look other places for a suitable mate, for the sake of the church don't date someone in the congregation." or at least if you are about to start dating someone in the church encourage them to change churches so the possible damage or gossip will be lessened.   

That is one perspective. There are many risks to dating someone in your congregation. It could cause problems for those who can't handle the fact that the pastor has a personal life and has feelings for someone of the opposite gender. There is a very legitimate fear that the relationship could go wrong and cause irreparable damage to the minister's "follow-ability." To some it could seem that the minister is putting their own desires before their responsibility for the good of the congregation. Yes, it is a very sensitive issue that will demand much from the minister, but here is another perspective.

Friendship and the Cross - Part 3

It is only in the vertical love relationship with God that we are prepared for the rigors of the horizontal love of neighbor. It is only in our nakedness before God that we learn how to be transparent before man. It is only as our life finds its resting place in the unconditional love of Christ that we can selflessly love others, speaking truth in love and giving grace undeserved. Only then do we begin to walk in the reality of true fellowship with one another.

Truth and Grace in the midst of authentic relationships.  Only these kinds of relationships will refine us to be like Christ and usher us into truly great fellowship with others. The more real we are with each other, the more trustworthy is the “I love you” that we receive. Otherwise we are only “loved” for who we claim to be in public and not for who we truly are in private.

Friendship and the Cross - Part 2

Deeper, selfless friendship is possible but we can't love others well unless we first love God well. If we are secure in Christ then we can take the risk of being real with others. The idea of true friendship drives us once again back to the cross and resurrection of Christ. On our own we are in trouble but with others who are familiar with their own sin and who have found the grace and wisdom of God, life can be different. It is in the grace of God that we can accept our strengths with humility and our weaknesses with grace. We can risk being real with others because we are already unconditionally loved by Christ.

Look at these examples to see how the gospel affects how we relate with others.

Friendship and the Cross - Part 1

Friendship in our world has become a shallow and “disposable” relationship. Historically friends were not in our lives to only make us happy, they were also there to make us better. William Deresiewicz, in his article for The Chronicle of Higher Education writes his perspective of modern “friendships.”

“A friend fulfills her duty, we suppose, by taking our side—validating our feelings, supporting our decisions, helping us to feel good about ourselves. We tell white lies, make excuses when a friend does something wrong, do what we can to keep the boat steady. We're busy people; we want our friendships fun and friction-free ….” Deresiewicz concludes: "Friendship is devolving, in other words, from a relationship to a feeling.”      Jerry De Luca, Montreal West, Quebec, Canada; source: William Deresiewicz, "Faux Friendship," The Chronicle of Higher Education (12-6-09)