The single life naturally draws one towards self-centeredness. In the United States it is at times even worse.
Those raised with an American mindset also have to
battle against individualism.
In The Good Society, sociologist Robert Bellah and his coauthors
challenge people in the United States to evaluate their lives. There are
growing numbers of homeless people, broken families, racial tensions,
unemployment, and scandal. They point to the American sense of heightened
individualism as a major hindrance to finding a solution to these problems.
This sense of individualism can be traced back to America’s Founding Fathers
who promised individual freedom, unlimited opportunity, and minimized
government.
It started out as John Locke’s powerful ideology in the 18th
century. This individualism was to be a blessing to all as long as it was
“embedded in a complex moral ecology that included family and church.”[1]
Today, as church and family play a smaller role in many American lives, this
individualism gradually is evolving from a blessing into a curse. Fewer and
fewer Americans are seeing the needs of others as their responsibility.
For a single person who is living in an
individualistic culture it is very easy to adopt a way of life where one is
only responsible for one’s self. “I'll take care of my job, my house, my
health, my spiritual life, my finances, and my time, and you take care of
yours.” Without a commitment to “love neighbor” and to “be our brother’s
keeper” this is the natural perspective of many singles. Many move away from
family and friends for the sake of university, jobs, or “to experience the
world.” Some have a whole list of friends whom they have met along the way, but
very few who have been with them since the beginning. This often leaves single
adults in a situation where they are tempted to focus only on themselves and
their own needs. That is not a biblical model or the way of life in many other
cultures. One is free in Christ, but not free to neglect the responsibility
they have for their fellow man.
If a
single minister does not recognize this tendency towards individualism, he will
naturally be drawn into it. One needs to be connected to others in a meaningful
way. We are to be our brother's keeper. If a single minister has not understood
this truth, he will likely minister without service, sacrifice, and the larger
responsibility that he has to the entire congregation. He might be tempted to
move to another church because it is easier to leave instead of persevering
through the tough times for the good of the congregation. He may not realize
that he has to avoid the appearance of evil and that his personal life now
affects the lives of many others. He may avoid difficult people instead of
working through conflict in a Christ-like manner.
Single life
tempts us to be only about us, and that will be disastrous if a single minister
doesn't understand that there are corporate responsibilities that come with his
or her role as a Christian, and even more so as a minister. His life is not his
own.
The circumstances
that have been described above are characteristics of a single minister’s life
that are shaped by the demands of ministry and the stressors of singleness. They do not destine one to selfishness, but they do provide a fertile soil for the temptation of individualism to dominate one's life.
By the grace of God may we beware of the schemes of the tempter. May we look for opportunities to nurture, serve, give, sacrifice, and love others more deeply. May we use our freedom as singles to be more fully devoted to Christ. May our love for the Savior draws us away from the focus on self and back into the love for our fellow man.
[1] Robert N.
Bellah et al., The Good Society, (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc.,
1991), quoted in Claire Andre and
Manuel Velasquez, Creating the
Good Society, accessed July 31, 2013, http://www.scu.edu/ethics/publications/iie/v5n1/.
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